A Lost Sensuality

Today her lips shone upon the face of a parasite. With little love in her life she hoped for freedom as she ran across the field, through the denseness of the fog which floated across her wounded heart. There was no clearing ahead, the sun did not shine on her Earth today.

Instead the toads leapt through the air, judging all those beneath, including her. And as she sat with her feelings of judgement something within began to drive her away from the madness leaping above her head. She was able to ground herself amongst the chaos which had somehow made it’s way into her life again. She began to question whether it had ever really gone? Chaos was a master of many disguises and she knew it existed and she knew she needed to expose it some way some how.

And as she longed to be seen, to be heard by her true love, she touched the hearts of those who deeply cared. A missed opportunity would pass her by and as it passed she would return to her lonesome life that she had chosen for herself. Her imagination belonged to her and no other, it was the preciousness of life that she held close to her bosom for no other to take, to rob, to steal. No matter how hard she struggled, she would always have her words and they would always belong, belong in the paragraph of her mind.

She had let go of the words that had driven her to write, a long time ago. Now she would let go of her precious guilt, the guilt that she had spent a lifetime living with. She knew that only she could rescue herself and that there was no Knight in shining armour. Her only hero was locked away in the tower of darkness and today she refused to be his Heroine. But who knows what tomorrow may bring.

Now she would bake some bread, wax her bikini line, varnish her nails and pretend to the world that all is fine, fine, fine.

Bois Caiman

She couldn’t help but notice all the colons and semi-colons Barack Obama had used in his article on Haiti, in Newsweek, all the colons and semi-colons her English teacher had told her not to use. As he pontificates as to why Haiti matters she could not help but feel a sense of self indulgence from what he said. Big upping the Heroism of American culture and the utilisation of it’s great Leadership skills. And as she turned the page the pile of dead bodies, with no name could not help but disturb her. And she sat on the train blogging she felt her heart race as a fellow passenger asked her to turn her ipod down because it was too loud. Some people really do need to put there life into perspective. She responded politely and told her there was a quiet carriage in coach B.

As she travels through her fields of safety not tekking nomore with Dizzy, really pissing all her fellow passengers off, refusing to conform. Refraining from putting her middle finger up to the women who she is pissing off, she continues. To wonder if her fellow passengers will remove themselves to coach B.

As sea levels continue to rise and severe weather sweeps through the planet and deforestation consumes Haiti like she consumes lipgloss. The megadisasters of the 21st century will frequent the news and as she drinks her tea each morning her nail varnish will chip and she will reapply so that the world remains so shiny.

To her fellow passangers, you all need to buy yourself an ipod so that you may not be subjected to hers.

The Original Snow Queen

Today she needed to write from her heart which had been broken and mended, quite a few times. Today she felt the ice palace of the snow queen all around, glistening like a giant diamond, her harshness spat upon the anger within her. She wanted to find the snow palace and destroy it with the love she had for the world and herself. Maybe some day she would, when her skin felt comfortable and she really had become who she truly was.

Today she woke wondering of the Haitians fate and how difficult last night must have been for those devastated by the earthquake. She sat with her sorrow for the world and sensed the fragility of earth and all it’s inhabitants. She felt safe today and knew life would be massaged backed to normal with all those good people sent to rescue.

A Perfectionist

As the silence lay at her window she new today was going to be a good day. Grounding herself in the earth was the most important thing to her and she had not absorbed earth energy for a while now. As she watched the beauty of the sunset last night she embraced the longer days ahead and new the spring would not be long. She would re connect with the earth as it tried to heal itself from the damage of the industrial period.

The snow had left people stranded and their only choice was to abandon their cars and endure a 2 hour walk home. She wondered if any had adopted the drive 5 miles less a week policy. She had been on a plane once in the last 12 years, she felt she had given back to the earth what she had once taken. She had visited many places in England and knew she still had many more to go before she would leave.

Today she was free with many choices ahead of her. What colour lipgloss would she wear today? Pink or purple? As the sun shone into her eyes she knew she had the power to bring productivity into her life. She was able to know her own power and able to know how much of it she had. Her esoteric knowledge would take her beyond the realm of reality to a place only a disciple of the new age could find. She waited patiently for the world to transform, right beneath her eyes. A revolution she belonged to sat on the horizon ahead, waiting for her to embrace. Her children were the new breed of humanity and the ancient out of date ways were to become lost in multi-nationals and a new way of communication. The English language was about to be dismantled beyond belief there were no comas fullstops or paragraphs just speak.

inner peace

Today she finally felt freedom and sensed herself running free through the forest of life. She was no longer trapped by the chains of her mind and knew she was free to be, free to be where ever life would take her. And at this moment she was able to sense her inner peace and as her heart beat she felt the tranquillity pumping through her veins. Her energy unravelled like a coiled cobra in the root of her spine and as she felt it leave the top of her head she felt the pure light upon her. And as it rained down upon her she began to love herself and knew there was something within her that the world needed, needed more than anything. Only the world hasn’t realised yet and neither had she because knowing and realising were two completely different things. Self realisation sat on the verge of her heart and today she would not loathe, love only in this heart and this life. Today the pain in the pit of her stomach would not control her and she would feel the morning frost on her eyes and they would not sting with bitter tears. The crispness of the world trundled through her ears today she present. With no future and no past, just pure presence. With love.

Fear

It’s all around us, everywhere, no escape beyond the mounds.

Taking over, then controlling. 

No escape from it, in the shadows.

Looming, grooming us till we submit, our Self, given in to it’s very need. 

Baby’s oblivious, the elderly learnt to live with it. 

She felt the sickness of it controlling her, her every move. 

Sing with her and hear contempt, feel her middle finger in front of your face. 

To those conformists who will wallow, self pity stinks of child labour and poverty. 

Multi-nationals rule the earth. They’ll become crushed, this she knows, she saw it on the back of a cigarette box once. 

So close to leaving this god forbidden planet sick of superficial blah blah blah.   

Stomping your mind so close to those shadows, revealing what lurks beneath reality. 

There’s no such thing, it doesn’t exist, rambling incoherently’s what you do best. 

I don’t care, you don’t understand me, life’s so fake and you don’t really care. 

Hating fullstops, rejecting capital and ism’s, forcing totalitarianism, mind games prevail. Lol.  

They teach me phonics I still can’t spell, FEAR what’s that? Not conforming anarchy rules.

This isn’t a poem.

Lightness

Today she was rejecting academia and needing to feel the wind on her face as she swept her body through the fields. There had been darkness and now as she allowed her Self to absorb the light, she felt the energy flow freely between her and the rest of the world. The monsters still growled in her ears, the shadows lurked at the windows but she refused to accept them as her reality and miandered past them with ease. She would not let the world exploit her today and she would not let the exploited be forgotten. The world was changing and she was now ready for her final conversation Gestalt style.

What happened to reality?

There had been little news in her world this week. The only certain thing in her life right now was the chaos which loomed on the face of the earth. At times she tried to pretend it wasn’t there, but was always reminded, violently. Her thoughts consistent she desperately wanted fluffy and superficial but her mind always refused it. Most times she had little control over her thoughts, as though she was tuned in to some kind of unearthly radio station which gave her glimpses of the future and what it would be like. It always appeared bleak to her, she was no eternal pessimist though. She had dreams and they were able to come to fruition.

Maybe the world was not a chaotic place after all, she did imagined peace but could never understand the truth as reality always somehow got distorted. She wanted to understand the world and knew she would die never knowing the truth.

mantra

As she sat listening to her Gayatri Mantra she sensed the insomnia looming. It would be only another week and she would have had lack of sleep for almost a month and that would warrent going to the doctors. The Gayatri Mantra always moved something deep within and she was often left feeling refreshed. She didn’t know how it worked, it just did and she loved how she was left feeling. Sun salutations in Sanskrit worked for her, for others it didn’t. Now she needed to swim in the hope that her soul would be refreshed and a peaceful night sleep presented itself. The constant rain and gloom had wiped the gloss from her lips, her nails were chipped, her soul lost.

My First Post From my Blackberry

Ironically I’m at home and blogging from my phone. The hope is that as I imagine I will write it down immediately rather than it getting lost in mind again. As I use the Beta version of wordpress I feel my revolutionary self conquering the world and my Jesus like status becomes more prevalent I know there will be people who wished they had my life. Without the knowledge that it has been a painful journey to arrive in my present.

I live in the hope that the guidence I seek will continue and I will feel safe and protected in a world ever changing. Prepare for change as the next few years is going to a rocky ride.

Love and harmony will be found and hatred and anger will become a thing of old. She sensed the change and knew… Not long now.