Our History Becomes Us
06.23, as she watched the sun rise. She was free today and able to connect with her writing, she was happy. She could absorb herself in her other world, to escape her reality. She drank her tea and felt the energy of the sun on her face. Today she felt glad she had taken care of her inner child. She had visualised the times in her childhood when she had felt lonely, alone and unloved. Her adult Self had given her inner little girl what she needed, attention, acknowledgement and praise. That little girl had been loved but in a way that was alien to her. This is why she questioned love. She felt irritated for questioning it. She had felt love, better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. She tried to think of a word for the opposite of alone, she struggled. She thought of, in company, we can be surrounded by people but still feel alone. Her needs when she was alone were to connect with others or an other. She needed to connect deeply and her writing allowed this. Even though she wasn’t speaking with others, she was connecting and this fed her aloneness. She felt satisfied.
She felt positive about the future and was going to work hard today. She had met some interesting people this week, an old couple who sat and talked about every vegetable they grew in their garden. They hadn’t taken life for granted, they struggled, yet was thankkful for what they had. A young man who was truly handsome, who had not yet realised his potential. A polish female who was desperate to escape the reality of her country. An interpreter who lived in a polish camp after the war; she listened to her story with fascination. We all have a story, a history which is part of our Self. Even though we wasn’t a part of that history, it still runs through our veins. That history becomes our culture, how we live our life and what paths we choose to take. We may not know our history but somehow, intuitively, we live it in the here and now. Fascinating.
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