Who’s To Blame – An Unknown Realm

As I sit with my feelings of aloneness, for the first time, in a crisis in my life I am able to connect with those feelings of isolation and solitude.  Never before have I been able to feel the desperation of my situation, it has in the past been so matter of fact, so blase.  It is self enquiry which has allowed my experience of feelings and now for the first time I question it and really wonder, what has it been for?  I suppose I don’t really need this question answered, it is a question which I am asking myself for the first time.  Why do I need to feel, what purpose does it, or has it served in my life?  In my experience people appear to be able to function without feeling, it is as though they can deal with the burden of life a lot easier than I because they don’t feel.  Having the opportunity to connect with my feelings and others has happened for a reason, but I’m not sure what the reason is as yet. 

 

Maybe, in the past, somewhere in my life I have been someone’s guardian angel.  Maybe I have rescued them, unaware and by rescuing them I sent my own life spiraling into a pit of oblivion.  Their negative engery has transferred across an unknown realm and been absorbed by myself, leaving them free, leaving them with choices, choices I no longer have.  The worlds frustration is born through the lack of choice, by having choices we feel empowered.  Are there choices when living in crisis, if there are, then surely there is no crisis because it is the lack of choice which allows the crisis.  I will not assign fault to another because it is wasted energy, I will instead accept my journey and believe everything happens for a reason.  Even if I never find out the reason, I will just accept, this is my journey and I own it and nobody can take it from me.  I will believe that angels really do exist and I have become one.

~ by girligorgeous on August 26, 2008.